how to save a life...-the fray

This song is on loop on my mp3 player.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
Smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you...

As he begins to raise his voice
Lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life…

Why do people insist on being senseless when it comes to relationships and life? Yes, there's always room for mistakes - shit happens, its supposed to. But for some people, there's ONLY room for mistakes and shits about the only thing that makes sense to them. i'm just venting.. i've managed to alienate everyone in my world by the perpetual bright happy smile, coz I learned from their insensitivity that there's only room for their issues and crap. I was there, shoulder, arms, DVD's, games, chocolate, magazines, ear and all.and this is their response to a hint of pain on my side - stop feeling sorry for yourself.

The harshness is always cutting, and i shouldn't be surprised. but i am, every time. I get a jolt of hurt shock every time.I realize i'm too young (earliest 20's) to say I am tired of everything, but its okay for everyone to say they want to DIE because some idiot at 15 years of age didn't love them back! Its OK for everyone to say their lives just plain SUCK, the perpetual whiney crap about the entire world not giving a shit about them.and I listen, I do so sympathetically, I don't enforce my views and advices unless they ask - so one day if I go through something exceptionally painful and I talk about it I get "my life is really hard now I don't need to know about your problems" and "stop your self-pity" and an all time classic "stop feeling sorry for yourself!" and of course all this is received with replaced morbidity, bright smile back, a sarcastic ‘sorry to bother you’ and a swift change of topic or a turned back. Before all I did was stare confusedly at them not understanding what the hell just happened. Now i'm pretty used to the world's indifference - yes, they are more important, they are all special and unique and I am too young to feel. to hurt. to be happy.

Get over yourselves I want to yell. I want them all to receive the indifference they give. I want to stop giving to people that don't deserve it. Love is over-rated, because people are corrupt. ffs, give me my moment of self pity and learn to bite your cheek if you feel your life is more worthy, your pain more intense - everyone goes through crap, some find a pets death to be excruciatingly painful, others have people they love dying. Support each other, we are all different and our grieving ways are different, the way we react to life’s knocks are diverse, it doesn’t matter how old you are or how young you are – and no ones pain is comparable to another’s.

No matter what I say, the people I refer to here will never change. From today onwards I am consciously removing toxic friends – even family, and him. I’m not going to isolate myself. But I will never let another self-involved, self-absorbed loser waste my time again.

oh no.

Tagged again - by lady! Rules: answer each question with 3 words.

1. Where is your cell phone? - on the desk
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? – dun have noboddy
3. Hair? – its growing wild!
4. Your mother? – is the coolest
5. Your father? – i adore him
6. Your favorite item(s)? – laptop, ipod, camera
7. Your dream last night? – can't remember it
8. Your favorite drink? – i like water
9. Your dream guy/girl? – this changes frequently
10. The room you are in? – is the lounge
11. Your fear? – die with regrets
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? – successful and happy
13. Who did you hang out with last night? - seinfeld season 5
14. What are you not? – tactful, patient, sweet
15. Are you in love? - no. no. no.
16. One of your wish list items? – indoor swimming pool
17. What time is it? – just before midnight
18. The last thing you did? – had a snack
19. What are you wearing? – purple/black pj's
20. Your favorite book? – in 3 words??
21. The last thing you ate? - bokomo chocolate pronutro
22. Your life? – could be worse
23. Your mood? – neutral and calm
24. Your friends? – diverse and fun
25. What are you thinking about right now? - i am hungry
26. What are you doing at this moment? - answering this tag!
27. Your summer? – lasts 10 months
28. Your relationship status? - i am eeyore
29. What is on your TV screen? – zip nada zilch
30. When is the last time you laughed? eeyore doesn't laugh

I tag:

spotlessmind-tained
floydthebarber

*tagged*

My very first post. I was lazy to write about something, plus, who is going to read this?? None of my friends blog, they all type with two fingers! Gimme some luv, show yer support for ronery rirr'l me:)

Tagged by singleguy
5 things people don't know about me...

1. I talk to myself, like I'm my own live journal. Maybe this is freaky, I sometimes wonder if I'm going insane but then, I like to think we're our own best advisors and if more people spoke to themselves they wouldn't burden others, or screw up, or be too weak to make decisions. ya.

2. I used to behave very OCD'ish before - if the ground/floor had darker and lighter shades I had to step like so: right foot in the dark or shadowy spots, left foot in the lighter areas, it would annoy me when there was a sudden expanse of light or dark - ANYWAY I realized this is freaky behaviour and so stopped. JUST LIKE THAT. I am not mad.

3. I hate finding hair that has fallen, on white floors, or my clothing - inside or out. it - must - be - removed.

4. I have loved only geeky guys. Yea I find Wentworth Miller über hot, but I will most likely end up with a geek. Think - peter petrelli with rimless glasses *dreamy*

5. I want a tattoo and a tongue ring.